Monday, June 12, 2006

The Process of Elimination

If you could be anyone in a club, who would you be? There's that guy, leaning against the wall, hands all the way down in his pockets, looking like he's waiting for something.
The guy dancing spastically and erratically, laughing, while jumping up and down forcefully.
You've got your drinkers, intaking alcohol like mammoths at a whiskey pool.
Pool sharks, smoking, eyes focused on the table only. Real cool.
You've got the guy who rocks side to side with a hot girl he's never met, whispering coded messages into her hair, and she smiles to herself and laughs for some reason she's not aware of.
There's others too, different variants and mutations of this set. Pick a few, who would you be?

You wanna be the guy who has game enough to pick up the girl. Right? I mean, if you wanted to drink, you could stay home. If you wanna play pool, go during a friggin weekday. It's Friday, or Saturday, and there's a good chance you paid cover to get in here. So go have as good a time as possible.
How do you do this? I'll tell you:
Develop club game.

Okay, full disclosure. I don't have any club game, nor do I know anyone with club game, so I'm just going to cook something up based on the process of elimination and poorly informed guesses.

Here's what doesn't work:

Item number 1: Doing nothing.
Standing does not impress the ladies. Many guys can also stand. She's just not going to have anything to do with you if you do nothing. Therefore, a good first step to developing club game is to do SOMEthing. For instance, nodding your head to the music shows that at any moment you might make use of your incredible sense of rhythm and start actually dancing, which will go a great deal toward convincing an attractive girl that you are not, in fact, catatonic. (Catatonic is not yet sexy) Or if you're not ready for this yet, try to make eye contact with someone other than your beloved bottle of lager. It tells the world, "I am aware of the presence of other human beings, and, maybe someday, I will actually speak to them." Also, whispering "Hi" just under your breath as she walks by may provide good practice for actual communication in the future. Practice makes perfect.

Item number 2: Talking.
Club game is different from normal game in that you won't have use of your speaking or listening abilities while 90 decibel music is being blasted at your skull from all directions. Don't worry, you aren't expected to learn sign language. In a club environment, hand gestures, facial expressions, and vowel screaming are all acceptable forms of communication. Learn them well.
Try to develop an alluring stare by practicing with yourself in the mirror, or with passengers of passing cars. They won't have enough time to give you any real constructive criticism, but their two second look of sheer horror should be all that you need to gradually adjust and shape your gaze into a panty removing tractor beam.

Alright, I've been kidding around having fun with this, but I think I should probably drop a few actual gems of wisdom from my experiences over the last few months.
Know your environment. You think you like a girl over there? Who is she with? Who are her friends? What's the best way to approach her?
Observe, plot, plan, strategize, and then just drink a few beers and fucking go over there and dance with her. Too many nights have been ruined by overestimation of how much time there is. Make no mistake. This is one fleeting moment. And it's going to end the same way, over and over again, until you recognize it.

Aight, thats it.
Drink safe, take chances.
- Seg


augmento said...

some pointers from back before i got hitched. if its a new club, go early or on an off night. get to know one of the bartenders. not try to be their best friend. just talk about whatever. maybe, ask about the crowd that hangs there. tip good not over tip. if the bartender thinks you are ok. it will help all around
with the regulars, bouncers, etc..

get a feel for the vibe of the place. you gotta feel comfortable in the environment. not really need to adjust who you are but some people feel better in specific clubs if they are wearing specific clothes. looking the part helps you feel the part so to speak.

the old cliche ice breaker of buying a person drinks still works well if used wisely. sometimes, all you get is a 'thank you'. say 'your welcome' and leave at that. bread upon the waters.

seg said...

Yo, I'm gonna try this. If anything comes of it, believe me, you'll hear about it.