Dirty Raps: the best of Too Short

I've been sitting on this for way too long (thanks Eleven!). I was going to write about how I first remember hearing Short Dog on the incredbile Menace II Society soundtrack. Or how Snoop redid Freaky Tales on the In Tha Beginning There Was Rap compilation. Eventually I would write how if you don't know what I'm talking about then you really need this in your life. Then I would lead in to pages long treatise about his continued contributions to hip hop for the last 20 years. Instead I'll just scream BIIIIICH! (Why they say it like $hort) and let Turntable Lab and $hort himself tell you all about it.

Fresh off "Best of The Bay" and "Soul Boulders" respectively, DJ Eleven and Matthew Africa link up to drop another classic, hosted by none other than Too Short. Dirty Raps gathers 40 joints from Short's catalogue and guest appearances spanning 20 years, mixed smooth and fast. True to the warning labels on the 80s-cassette-inspired cover ("Dirty Rapps Inside Parental Guidance Suggested" and "Warning: Ghetto Music!! Can Be Hazardous If Not Played Loud"), there's a whole lot of pimpin goin on and game being spit. Biiiiiitch, this is not for the faint of heart. Highlights are "In The Trunk," "Burn Rubber," "Short But Funky," "Buy You Some," "Blow the Whistle," "Bia Bia," "Fuck Faces..." shit the whole tape is pretty much highlights, it's the best of Too Short! Shorty the Pimp is joined by E-40, Jay-Z, Biggie, Lil Jon, Scarface, Devin, Casual, Keak da Sneak, Ice Cube, Parliament and more.

• Low res clip of snippets from the mix
• Too Short - Life is... Too $hort - (track 1)
  
• Interview with Short on Hardknock radio (via Fear of a Brown Blogger)
• Too Short - Only the Strong Survive from Menace II Society
  

Pick it up directly from Matthew Africa, DJ Eleven or Turntable Lab.

*edit*: Life is... Too $hort is track 1 from Dirty Raps, Only the Strong Survive is from the Menace II Society soundtrack. Ok, I need pay more attention, its Dirty Raps. my bad.

What it Do

Damn, summer is almost over. 51:51 is almost a year old. We've been crazy busy lately making real world moves, more on that as it develops. Expect many more updates next week while we try to catch up. Its been a whirlwind ride and its only getting better. Time to celebrate.

Friday

• Last friday at Jinxed with new art from Goldberg and Levy, bbq, beverage and Opalrock
• Minnow presents Castle Greyscale
• Jokers of the Scene at the Straight Dope with Seclusiasis

Saturday

• Skate contest and FDR benefit presented by Skatenerd
• $500 cash prize, cheap bbq and a dj, noon - ?
• Mojito at Commerce Square Marathon Grill
• Pop off shack - sorry to all those that went last week, it will be back soon, in a new spot around 20th and walnut, much better disco inspired spot
• Roots listening party for Game Theory at Fluid for Tastytreats
• King Britt, Jneiro Jarel and Illvibe at World Cafe Live

*I knew there had to be more going on, thanks to Chuck da Fonk for pointing it out

Sunday

• Kon and Amir at Walnut Room - Kings of Digging release party
  

Idlewild Review

All the worlds a stage and the players come together to do their part. Two dope boys in a Cadillac have come a long way from their humble Georgian roots only to reincarnate themselves as PJ and Rooster in 1930's Idlewild, Georgia. Rooster (Big Boi) plays the flashy lead of the two. P.J. (Andre 3000) meanwhile is an eccentric yet reserved mortician by day and piano player by night in the speakeasy Church.

As I had hoped, the movie begins off with a raucous club scene with Big Boi on the mic. The dance floor looked like a choreographed breakdance meets Matrix scene with 1930's stylings and jiving. And of course what would a 1930's era movie be without gangsters & prohibition. Enter stage right Ving Rhames and Terrence Howard as Spats and Trumpy. Spats is the tough guy gangster ready to retire, while Trumpy is just waiting for his shot. Sunshine Ace meanwhile is the local Georgian boy who owns the club. Ace is clearly out of his element among absolutely everyone. After opportunity knocks for Trumpy, Rooster is put in charge of the club. Rooster must try to keep the club together financially, perform, keep from getting killed, keep his marriage together and pay off the debt Ace owed to the gangsters.

Andre, meanwhile, seems to be struggling, ready to leave, always looking for something new, somewhat disinterested and always more interested in music than performing. If you can't tell, the roles of PJ and Rooster aren't exactly huge bounds for Antwan or Andre. Andre is reinvigorated when Angel comes to town and needs help with her music.

Idlewild the CD is not the soundtrack for the movie. Many of the songs performed are from previous albums. Although the plot towards the end may not be as creative as I had hoped, every other piece of the movie came together quite well. My personal favorite of the movie was all the subtleties ala the singing dog and car in Morris Brown. The rooster easily steals the show whenever he's around, I mean who doesn't like helpful advice from a flask? Big Boi puts in a great performance. Miss Patti Labelle makes a guest appearance. Angel,Paula Patton, is just that (her next role will be in Deja Vu and I can't wait). I've loved OutKast since their early days and have been super excited to see this movie since Ms. K (Thank you!) said she could hook me up with tickets. I may be slightly biased, but I have to give this 4/5 stars.

grandmas and 7 year olds, beware

Times are grim in modern day America. The oppressive and invasive forces of government, the fear and paranoia associated with mounting terror threats, the international tension caused by unstable foreign policy, the downloading of mp3s by college students. Truly, all signs are pointing toward the imminent collapse of our society as we know it.
It's time someone stood up and did something.
It's time someone stood up and sang.

I'm proud to present new music by social activist and scholar Weird Al Yankovic. His latest tack, "Don't download this song" is available for download here.

It's not too late, spread the world:
People who download music should be punished to the full extent of the law. And then castrated. For good measure.

- Seg

Thanks to Dave for the track (Zomba Label Group)

Jokers of the Scene: Canadian Boys Club Tour Mix '06

Jokers of the Scene out of Ottawa, Canada are currently on tour across the East coast stopping in Philly this past Sunday and the Khyber upstairs. J.o.t.s are DJ Booth and Chameleonic a duo of DJ's and producers currently making waves in Ottawa with their Disorganised parties and now with their musical productions. From MySpace:

we dj. we produce. we remix. we book artists. we throw parties. we promote events. we dance. we sing. we have fun.

Since Jokers of the Scene gets the party started we initially mentioned them in More Bounce: Iota in March. I met up with them Sunday at the Walnut Room where they were playing an electro influenced set with Dave P. The music was quite good but they were hoping to open it up to a wider range of music which they will surely do this Friday. While I was there they hit me off with their exclusive mix that no one else has. So enjoy it below. Tracklisting and photos will be up after their tour is over.

Jokers of the Scene - Canadian Boys Club Tour Mix '06 (ysi) (rapidshare)

What it Do

Friday

• Hands and Knees - Indie Dance Party with John Redden, Ian St. Laurent, Johnny B
• Check out John Redden remixes over at (you guessed it) MySpace
• Personal favorites are: California Dreaming and We are Rockstars
• The Get Up featuring Ric Rok, Bboy battles and more.

Saturday

• Wu Tang, Wu Tang, Redman and more
• From Method Man's upcoming alubm 4:21 The Day After
• Glide feat Raekwon and LA the Darkman
• Is it Me produced by Scott Storch
• Pop Off Shack with Low Budget, Brendan and the Swede - Metro Lounge Front and Fairmount
• Mojito with Electronic Violin guy Micah before he leaves for Ibiza

Sunday

• Sundays are the New black is killing it. This week is Jokers of the Scene out of Hottawa and Dave P from Making time. Guestlist here for half price entry.
  

• JOTS previously here and here
• Check the MySpace for the Juggle it remix - killing it.
  

More Bounce: Omikron

Here is a proper More Bounce with a whole snapload of tracks, enjoy.

• Betty/Wildcat - Ratatat/Spankrock (Spruce Lee Refix)
• Emynd - Hot Puhtatoe
• Emynd - Ride to My Shit
• Project Pat - Googly Moogly That Thang Is Juicy (cry.on.my.console remix)
• Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Body Rock (Bird Peterson Space Travel Redo)
• Dead Prez - Hell Yeah (Bird Petersons Got Papers Mix)
• Spank Rock - Put That (Josh Console NOT RnB remix)
• Curtis Vodka - sexy sweden

Related:Spruce Lee, Bird Peterson, Emynd, Josh Console, Curtis Vodka

Signed Curtis Vodka EP Give Away

The Push Play radio show from AK is currently running a contest offering up the Flamin Hotz catalog including a signed Curtis Vodka Yeti Bounce EP and the Sou Funk EP. All you have to do is call the radio station and leave a drop. Contest ends today at 4PM Eastern / 12 PM Alaskan time. More info here.

As a bonus, check out this live set from Gothenburg Sweden courtesy of Edvin from Fibes, oh Fibes!. There are also a couple other mixes here. I'm currently listening to GutterDisco06 which is quite good so far. (via Discobelle)

Yellowbrain and Mental Sharp

I highly reccomend checking out Yellowbrain along with Mental Sharp tonight at The Wednesday Night Weekly. These guys are really quite awesome. The only time they play together is every third Wednesday at Medusa and the jams they come up with are really good. Armanni Reign and Sharpness are best known as 2 of the most in demand drum n bass MCs across the world but you can see them here in Philly jam with Yellowbrain along with a $10 open bar at Medusa for Simpleflys TWNW. Simplefly recorded a couple tracks from previous jam sessions you can check out below.

• Doing Me Wrong - Yellowbrain & Mental Sharp - LIVE
• Smash & Grab - Yellowbrain & Mental Sharp w/ DJ Ric Rok - LIVE
• First Verse - Yellowbrain & Mental Sharp w/ Illy Emcee - LIVE
• Track 8 - Yellowbrain & Mental Sharp w/ Illy Emcee & J. Hill - LIVE

Link

Awesomness Renovations

Damn, when Jayson Musson mentioned some "some last minute awesomeness renovations" on Plastic Little's Shes Mature I never knew it would be this big. Direct from the Fader blog and Nick Catchdubs:

what else was left to be done? Get a Ghostface verse, of course. Freshly recorded She's Mature track "Crambodia" will feature the Wally Champ spitting alongside Plastic Little and pals Spankrock and Amanda Blank.

Consider my mind blown.

Link

drown out the voices

As I write this, I'm sitting at The Last Drop, a cafe which has two outstanding characteristics:
1) They are open till 12 pm, which is, to my knowledge, the latest closing time for a cafe in Center city.
2) They play the most distracting, annoying music at the highest volume possible.

The band currently playing is named "group of people yelping in some strange language I don't understand over spastic electronica". Believe me, they're not about to take off.

But I'm a proactive person. I'm not just going to sit here and take it.
Headphones. Volume. It's time to review some music.

Since this is my first track review, let me let you know where I'm coming from.
I don't listen to club music outside of clubs. My tastes are mostly indy/experimental/post rock, or new-school hiphop.
If you're still with me, let's continue.

Off the ground - Jed and Lucia
The best analogy I can draw is two people whispering behind a drum set, but that's not quite as flattering as I'd like, so try not to think of that. This song has some great contrast between the vocalist's soft voices and the loud snap of the snare within the intermittent drum beat. It feels like the cute pop vocals are at war with the slow hiphopish drumbeat. Dig it.
5 out of 5 Stars... enjoy the battle.

Can't cage a bird - Jed and Lucia
I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for drums, and this drummer has skills. (I have a... um... happy feeling, every time I hear that fucking highhat crash, ahhh.) As such, its worth waiting through a few minutes of soft female whispering to get to it. When the song takes off, the drums, the voices, and the distorted measure length really add up to something pretty invigorating.
4 out of 5 Stars... for making us wait for it.

I reviewed some other songs, but fuck it. If it's below 4 stars, its not worth sharing.
Chill.

- Seg

Mark, thanks for emailing us the tracks! (Fanatic Promotion)
More Jed and Lucia songs can be found on their website.
Full Disclosure: We only post about music we like. We are indifferent to large corporations and tall stacks of money.

Steven Bloodbath Likes Rainbows

I first got this CD a couple weeks ago and I can't believe how much time has passed since then. This is a great mix that includes "everything From Young Leek To Londonbeat, to Justice." Not to mention Beastie Boys, Federation and their incredible Stunna Glasses at night remix of Corey Hart (ps. If you see me at night wearing sunglasses, it doesn't mean I started doing heroin or scraping cause I have no car.) Well worth the listen. Steve continues to put work in as a DJ as well with another Stay Local party for all you under 21 Philly peeps September 2nd. Meanwhile he has been busy with more production with a Spankrock and Yeah Yeah Yeahs remix along with a couple of original tracks, one with Julian S. Process and the other sampling Jonathan Richman.

• Steven Bloodbath - Bloodbath & Beyond
• Spank Rock - Far Left (Steven Bloodbath Remix)
• Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts (Steven Bloodbath Remix)
• Steve Bloodbath and Julian S Process - Ymaginayshun
• Steven Bloodbath - Hospital

Related: Steven Bloodbath space, Steve Bloodbath Music

What You Know About Panic?

If you're a fan of Mary Anne Hobbs, probably a bit since KRNL Panic's Panic Anthem has been blazing on her show and being constantly requested. I hit up Panic and he was in the midst of moving out to NYC. However, he just hit me off with the track at 96Kbps "for listening purposes only since DJing low bitrate mp3s is for monkeys." Hes in talks to get this pressed up properly so when I hear more, I'll let you know. Also below is "No Crease Walk" a 33 track mix featuring SpankRock, diplo, Curtis Vodka, tons of Panic remixes, and more. I'm really suprised I haven't posted this before. Oh and check out Emynd and Bo Bliz for the beginning of their West Coast Tour alongside Panic as they play at his going away party this Friday in Seattle.

KRNL Panic - Panic Anthem
KRNL Panic - No Crease Walk (tracklisting)

The Rub Radio

Not content with occasional appearances on East Village Radio, The Rub now runs things on radio thanks to Brooklyn Radio. This fledgling online Internet radio station was launched in late July and currently has 7 different shows to satisfy your musical needs.

BrooklyRadio.net Launched July, 2006

Broadcasting all over the globe, from the world's most famous borough...(Let me hear ya say, OOOOOOOW Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!)

It's BrooklynRadio.net

With some of New York City's best DJs, entertainers, and straight up delinquents in the mix, you're bound to find a show to blast in the office, dorm or where ever it is you do what you do. The best part: All shows are easily streamed and downloaded to your brain, um, computer.

Download hour long sets from the Rub:

• July 24, 2006: 10.Deep Vol. 7 - Sun Lovers - Tracklist
  
• July 31,2006: Lemon Red - Second Half - Tracklist
  
• Aug 7, 2006: Ayres & Cosmo present Hip House - Tracklist
  

Attracting Attention

Over at Vulture Droppings, Gyro Worldwide's "unusually incisive and occasionally cruel trendspotting weblog" (hey what an original idea, a website with a snarky attitude dedicated to new and upcoming things), there is an interview with Jayson Musson aka Pack of Rats from Plastic Little, American Sneakers and individual artist. Check it out for whats next for party rap, what happens if you party too much, indie folk music, why art school sucks and how to attract attention.

V: How do you get peoples' attention with words?
J: I start with a single word. "Irony" and "hipsters," say. These words are overused, and used to style an artist class, the new style bohemian. I tend to start with a loaded word or concept, then I'll throw in a lot of cultural and/or pop references. It will sometimes then degenerate into a kind of babble. At the end, I try to leave people hanging. I just did an American Sneakers poster that starts off saying we're doing a show, and that we're asking for donations. Then midway I say that Padlock Gallery is cooler than your single uncle Bill who will never get married in this lifetime. "Women just slow you down, boy," said Bill last year at Christmas dinner. "Uncle Bill is the shit," you think to yourself as you look over the table at your father who has become a mashed potato version of a man in recent years. And then it goes back to a normal flyer: American Sneakers are playing, Corndog is playing, and then the last line says "CAMBODIA!" I'm not really t rying to make sense. Once you're free from that you can go anywhere. I guess it frees me up from any responsibility to any one audience.

Link
Plastic Little's She's Mature "is supposed to come out the 1st of september, but may come out a week later, due to some last minute awesomeness renovations." Turntable Lab has The Jump Off 12", Low Budget Mega Mix of She's Mature (for free) and their original EP Thug Paradise.
More: Plastic Little, American Sneakers CIA, Jayson Musson.

What it Do: Go Outside

Friday

• Soft Serve Tour with Xbox Ping Pong, Screenprinting, art, beer, and more 7 - 10 at Jinxed
• Natural Selection at Bubble House with Clayton and Fulcrum
• Shakedown with Lady Alma at Marathon outside

Saturday

• Uhuru sponsored flea market at Clark Park
• Pool party Jam at 12th and Carpeneter with A-Sides, Yah Mos Def and more
• Likely no pool thanks to neighborhood violence, maybe baby pools in their place
• Pop Off Shack as usual take advantage of this as dudes kill it every Saturday
  
• Mojito

Sunday

• Outdoor block pary Sundae party jam at Bubble House 3 -9 No Cover. Saketinis
• Plastic Little, Big Digits, Howards Dilemma and Julian S Process at Sals on 12th (12th and Sansom) $5
  
• Sundays are the new black are free with Dirty South Joe aka Deluxxx aka one half of The Trilladelphians - Walnut Room - 1709 Walnut
  

New Caps and Jones Mix

New killer mix from Caps and Jones. Starting out with Bone Thugs, into Debonair Samir and into the usual mix of tracks so prevalent on their mixes. Also out now is their newest Caroline Catalog mix. At then end of Summer, the duo will be moving to Philly which hopefully means more regular Philly gigs. Stay tuned. Same cat time, same cat channel.

Caps and Jones - Smoky Shuffle (via The Stencil)
Caroline Distro Mix

Smoky Shuffle Tracklisting

bone thugs: creepin on ah come up
debonair samir: computer horns
ada: living it up
cloud one: spaced out
radioactive man: do the radioactive
nelly furtado: do it
nightcrawlers: push the feeling on
capleton: fireman anthem
sylvia: loving you
702: get it together (bass mix)
sally shapiro: by your side
teki: electronic
ellen allien & apparat: do not break (c&j cassie re-smok)
diamond k: go down
dj unk: do the matrix
orbital: halcyon & on & on
tatu: nas ne dgonjat (Нас Не Догонят) (hardrum remix)

Cobra Kai Tonite at Medusa

Wednesday Night

The Wednesday Night Weekly



This week were bringin special guests DJ Krames and Nick The Dude of Cobra Kai in from Richmond VA. There doing their tour tour thang and this will be their ONLY Philly stop. I wouldnt book these dudes unless they were the real deal...believe that. Check out some of their mixes here

Ric Rok will also be making his triumphant return. He hasnt played in two weeks...dont know bout yall...but i need my fix.

$1 Vitamin Water & Vodka's till midnight and ladies are FREEEE before 11.

The Wednesday Night Weekly
Featuring the Wyld Stallions Tour w/ DJ Krames and Nick The Dude
$1 Vitamin Water & Vodkas till Midnight
Medusa Lounge - 21st & Chesnut

Previously: More Bounce: Xi, Mixtape Madness

Killer Mike is Killing It

Damn, more new Killer Mike. This time taken from the I Pledge Allegiance… mixtape. Mike keeps killin them loudly with his in your face rhymes. This time he takes direct shots at the whole Bush family among others.

George Bush don’t like blacks? no shit, sherlock
and his daddy’s CIA flooded the hood with rocks
and his momma said the woman oughta feel at home
getting raped in the bathroom in the Superdome
the comment Kanye made was damn near right
but Bush hate poor people be it black or white

A killer beat with (dare I say) conscious rapping. Mike still comes for the juggular regardless. Who says the South doesn't produce real hip hop?

Killer Mike - Thats Life

Killer Mike - The Juggernaut

Bone Crusher feat T.I. and Killer Mike - Never Scared

Lyrics from Thats Life, links from XXL, Killer Mike Grind Time Myspace
Previously:Club Bangers

Home for Carnival

Home for Carnival features over 40 of the hottest Soca tunes straight from the Caribbean. Double L and El Profesor take you on a musical journey of the biggest bangers and riddims of the islands over the past few years up until now. This mix is a perfect introduction into all of the lovely sounds bubbling up from the islands. Believe me, you'll want to book a flight and take some samba lessons once you hear this mix.

Take musical journey to Carnival by sending $5 ($7 outside of the US) via Paypal to ADobson302@aol.com. Please include name, shipping address, and quantity. Prompt shipment is guaranteed.

Album snippets:

Soca Escape Riddim- Roll It Remix- Hands Up Riddim- Sweetest Thing

Red- Colours- The Islands- Band of D' Year

Full tracklisting here.

Related: Double L, El Professor

Broad & Market

Check out this new blog from Maggie dedicated to "street fashion and street art from Philadelphia, PA." She just started in July but there are already some intesting posts up. Above is a picture from the Familiar Faces installation at Freejade gallery featuring Bob, Nose and El Toro. There are also pictures and fashion interviews from the Ruffians, Hollertronix at the Mummers museum including Ms. Blank and more. Keep posted as this has great potential.

Link

First Weekend of August

Dear Philly,
Please stop giving me so many choices as to what to do. It makes it very difficult for me to decide what I want to do. Weekends are not supposed to have so much going on. Sundays are for sleep and not for continuing with drinking and dancing. Haha, got you didn't I? No? Ok, anyways...

Friday

• First Friday - Inliquid has you covered with all the going ons
• White T's White Belts - Emil's bday celebration
• Emil has been putting in more production work lately. Heres a bmore club banger
  
• Emynd - Hot Puhtatoe
• West Philly - Winged Lion Pride at Bubble House

Saturday

• Popoff shack with special guests Spankrock, XXXchange & Deluxxx
  
• Downstairs, Spankrock, XXXchange and Dan the Swede
• Upstairs G13 sound with Jes-One and Deluxxx
• $3 top shelf shots until 12
• $3 lagers all night long
  
• Metro Lounge - Front and Fairmount
  
• Feeling grown and sexy? Mojito with latin rhythms

Sunday

• Sundays is the New Black is the hottest party of the summer.
  
• This Week its Catchdubs and Nate Day with the booty shakin selections.
• Get on the guestlist for half price admission
  

Club bangers

These two tracks are so hot. Both get me seriously amped when I listen to them so I thought I would share. Enjoy.

• Trick Daddy - I Pop (produced by Disco D)
• Killer Mike - The Juggernaut
  
• I like yelling this when I'm drunk.
  
• You've probably already seen this already but damn its funny.
  
• Juggernaut cartoon remix
  

Plastic Little Tonite with Triangle Forest

Get it in with Plastic Little and Triangle Forest tonite for $5. No Mahi Mahi.

Show starts at 8, will end by 11 so you can do the 700 thing, or Hustlemania or the J Dilla tribute night at 5 spot.

• Triangle Forest - Shut Up Get Down
• Triangle Forest - Ice Crystals
• Triangle Forest - Tokyo
• Plastic Little - Drizhollering
• Plastic Little - Foil

Related: Space1026, Plastic Little, Triangle Forest

Hollertronix #5

Its out now and making all the badman do their dance. Hollertronix #5 features all dancehall riddims in only a way Hollertronix could do. On tour Diplo has been banging the Kenny Meez Federation Sound Blend of Jiggle It which has been tearing up the club. Diplo's remix features Yeah Yeah Yeahs samples. A-Trak flips Weezy's fireman over the Truth and Rights riddim. The Mad Decent remix is kind of blowing my mind right now as Chi-town house and Elephant Man come together in some sort of weird beat orgy that I could go on about synergy but won't. Work that motherfucker!

Ding Dong - Bad Man Forward Bad Man Pull up (original)
Buy Hollertronix 5 and listen to all 5 snippets.

Catchdubs this Sunday

Sundays are the New Black and have been absolutely crazy bringing in crazy talent. Spank Rock, Disco D, Low Budget and now this week Catchdubs.

From the Philadelphia Weekly A List:

Let’s get this out of the way: Yes, this is the third time we’ve previewed Sunday Is The New Black at the Walnut Room. You can say we’re lame, or you can acknowledge that this party has been putting on the summer’s hottest shit and outdoing the competition. Let me explain why this particular night is mandatory attendance. One word: Catchdubs.

You may remember Catch from the last time he played at Transit for Rowdy. Well if you missed it you definitely need to be there this Sunday and if you were there, then I'm wasting my words. Get on the guestlist now for half price admission.

Related: Catchdubs.com, Fader Summer Issue Podcast Mix, East Village Radio live every Friday.

The Sneeze Song

This is just a fun song. System D128 does it again. Bmore club effortlessly works as well with dirty lyrics as it does with fun, kid approved tracks as it does with 1950's pop hits. Take your pick, it all sounds better at 130 BPM.

Pick up the Kiddie Disco EP with this track.

Previously: System D128 interview and Muppets theme remix

Fly Responsibly

On a street in west Philadelphia, a light breeze drags a plastic bag past a group of people hanging out in front of a house, talking casually. A strip of smoke peals off from the end of a cigarette, and hangs loosely in the air. Plastic beer cups gather sweat which twinkles from the light of orange street lamps. Its been a quiet night.

Suddenly, the door bangs open, and a white kid leaps down 6 or 7 steps, slamming into the ground with his right foot, falling into a clumsy roll, and ending up on his back where he begins laughing hysterically.
Hi, thats me. How's your Friday night going?

Lately I've had more and more conversations that begin with the other person telling me, "Hey, I saw you at _____ the other night. You were DRUNK!"
And then I think, "I don't remember being drunk."
And then... "I wonder how I know this person."

I want to make something clear. I'm not one of those people who blacks-out and then can't piece together how he ended up tied to a mattress, wrapped in the arms of a Canadian hermaphrodite, on top of a rusted-out van bound for Delaware. No, not me. My memory sucks, but I can account for each and every scratch and bruise the next day. I've never even had a hangover. It's called responsible drinking bitches.

So I'm thinking, these people, they don't know what they're talking about. How could I be drunk, when I remember everything that happened, I didn't slur my words, and I used good judgment the whole night?

But now my record is starting to show blemishes.
Bolting out of the house when a girl runs at you with a beer can is probably not a sign of good judgment. She was kidding around, but still, I couldn't help it. I'm subconsciously influenced by creepy Asian cinema, where harmless looking girls end up killing everybody. Instinct kicked in, and my adrenalin wisked me into the air for maximum hilarity.
Oh, and I remember thinking it would be funny if I had broken my leg. Ha. Ha.

Of course, the only person who would have been able to fully appreciate the humor behind the whole thing was still inside the house, apparently she hadn't even chased me to the front door. There weren't even any girls in my audience. What a waste.

The guys outside stood in shock for about 7 seconds, while I pulled myself to my feet and brushed the crap off my shorts.
"So, what did you think of that jump?"
"You didn't jump, it looked like you got halfway through the air and forgot you didn't have magic powers," one of them answered, shaking his head sadly.

Yeah, not having magic powers sucks.

- Seg