Cobre Restaurant & Bar

Photo from Emulsion Emotion

So like I'm a big dude. I mean I eat, alot, over a long period of time, repeatedly. For a while I only ate soup all three meals to lose some weight which worked but then I got lazy and started studying every night so I ate real food again. So with all my weight loss I decided it was time to get a one speed since I was transitioning from my Mt Airy Granola ten speed Mountain Bike into my totally grown and sexy mid 80's racing wheels Peugeot. So the first week I had my bike I left it outside my house and some one stole the front tire. So I get it replaced with this aluminum jawn over at Philadelphia Bikes Inc and two days later I am rolling around on it before I got toe clips and slid my flip flopped foot right in-between the tire and fork. Totally blew the shit out, I end overed my bike, woke up on the ground with a bike stuck on my foot, my arm all fucked up, and like some broken toes. Shit was not fun, so I parked it and went to go get breakfast all fucked up down the street at my super secret spot that some how is being overrun by yuppies which I guess kind of has to happen. So then I take it back to Philadelphia Bikes and they just look at me like, "Dude you just got your bike back from us the other day" and I was like yeah I know I need a new fork. This is also when that dude is there who has the shirt that obviously some bike messenger made for him since its an XL American Apparel that has "Don't Ask Me For Shit" on it, every time I come in I am like I want this and he is like "No, I am not going to retape your handle bars with neon pink tape. All I wanna do is play on my computer and put a little Gin in my 32 ounce sugar tee from the Chinese spot down the street and sit in front of the air conditioner." So they hook me up with a new fork after a day or two and then I am rolling around which was bugged out since I was still kinda shook. So then I park my bike outside my house cause I am all tired and then this time the dude steals my back wheel. This I wasn't all that mad at since it was on one of those European wheels that has that wack nipple. So this time when I go back to Philadelphia Bikes the dude is just buggin out. In two weeks I needed both wheels replaced, trashed my fork, and still was coming back for more shit. So I am on there frequent buyers list now and all I have to do is wait 20 mins for them to do the work on my bike.

So every time I come to that spot I have two options of what to eat. Fairmount 2 "the sequel" now titled Assandros but with the same crappy food and cardboard pizza, or there is the Chinese spot that sells chicken in sugar sauce. I also found out that people in Philly call "soy sauce" suey sauce" what the fuck is that all about? So the other day I am up there asking them to replace this steel rim that I got with an aluminum one cause my fat ass totally bent the shit and I went to go get something to eat and there is a new spot called "Cobre". I was feeling it. Crazy grimy outside that makes the place really feel like a dive ass restaurant until I stepped in that place. Shit was out of control on some Mexican Yuppster shit. Like I love seedy ass Mexican joints where they are not speaking English and you have to pay market price on your guacamole and you order in Spanish and the girl smiles all cute (I see you Jose's). This place looked like it was gonna be a weird night club lounge thing for male entertainers but instead they serve Mexican food. I mean I guess they are trying to class it up but the way to do that is not to sell really corny and mad corporate art on there walls, then on the flipside they got that crazy Mexican jukebox that plays all types of crazy songs way to loud. So it was lunch time and inside the place was me and like a small table that was having a party and that was it, yet I still got terrible service. Plus they had that juke box so loud I couldn’t even think to myself. And like since there was no one in the place the shit was just echoing all over. The menu was kinda dope though they had a Puerto Rican side and then there is a Mexican side. I got food from both but I wanted to talk to my waiter a lot about the food and find out what was the real dopeness. He was this 16 year old kid in a White Tee which was really funny to me since I swore I had seen him up the block outside the spot at 17th and Mt. Vernon. So the whole time I keep asking for a glass of water and I am still hung over and keep almost drinking the glass that has a floating candle in it while I am talking to my Mom on the phone. Then I ask for a recommendation and he says "For me, I would totally get the steak with onions and mushrooms. Whoaa thats eating." I was like dude its Wednesday at like 12:30. Who gets a steak? Give me some soup and like this Puerto Rican Corn meal thing with plantains and flavored pig skin.

So while I am waiting I am start reading that article about gun owners in Philadelphia and it turns out that the girl I am banging who is 23 has also banged this dude who is like 40, repeatedly over a short period of time cause we had to have a little talk about our sexual partners before we could have sex and she told me about him. It was kinda bugged out. I immediately went to call everyone I knew and was like you see that dude in the paper; I am sharing with him, yeah a lot, like every other night. It was really boss, then my food came and I lost my appetite. The soup was dope but that other shit was just out there and tasted like bullshit. Plus there was suppose to be this weird sauce that went with it but it came like half way and by that way I thought I was going to puke. So I have to go since I am on lunch and I walk over and give the dude $10 on an $8 dollar meal and he starts buggin out. He is like are you sure you don't want to stay for dessert, we got some dope desserts. Again I was like dude its Wednesday at 12:45, who gets desserts. I walk out and go pick up my bike and cruise back to 440 feeling like shit ready for another three hours of being hung over at work. That’s truly some of the best shit like when you’re so hung over that even after you eat you still feel like shit.

Cobre
812 North Broad Street